Friday, October 25, 2019

Lost motivation

Living as a runner... Some people truly live to run. Every hour of the day carries the consideration of when will I eat? When will I be ready to get out the door and run? I was never a full professional, although I tried to find a way to live that life. For many years, I worked in running shops, thought about running probably every 15minutes until I was actually outside and pressing a button on my watch to start the run. But time isn't kind to the body, you just don't know how you will feel after thousands and thousands of miles over many years.
In recent conversations with random people, I’ve said, “I competed for more than 20 years." Currently, it is a past tense statement. I have faded into obscurity, and that's alright. My last race was Dec of 2018. I ran a 15k in Central Park, NYC. As I'm writing this, I can't even recall the precise name of the race; I don't care enough to look on the NYRR website to see what it was called. I was happy to go and be with some friends, but I wasn't fit at all. I started too fast and paid in vicious fashion for it. I don't remember what my time was, I think just over 6:00per mile pace, but really it doesn't matter anymore.
I used to have a raging fire inside me for training and racing, but injuries have plagued me for more than 10 years and I simply got worn out by it. The rising cost of race fees, the monotony of going to some of the same local races for many years in a row, the stress of trying to earn my living and coordinate with anyone at all to have some company on a run in the concrete Jungle of Hudson County, NJ.
I met my wife along the way through it all, and priorities changed. We are in Mexico right now, and I have no regrets about not running for many months. A series of factors (mainly picking fruit in Canada for the summer, a story with many chapters for an entirely different blog I need to create)
have kept me from going, and maybe you runners/readers are wondering "But, you can just go out and jog a little." When I feel like it, I run, and that's all I can say for now. I'm healthy and haven't gained a pile of weight, I could probably tell you, "I run 50 mpw" and you would believe it.
A certain fact is that energy both physical and mental is in finite supply every day of your life. I'm focused on learning Spanish and teaching English, and being a good husband, and spending time with my new family, etc. Life is good, and I'll run again...maybe today, or tomorrow. Yes, I lost motivation to continue as a Berzerker Runner, but maybe I'll get it back...just being honest.